wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
