I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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