Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
