I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
