Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
