woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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