Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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