i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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