hotel room ftw
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
