vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
