Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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