just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
