2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
