had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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