Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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