Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
