I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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