drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
