No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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