I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
