My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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