in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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