i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
