Screwed.edu
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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