they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
