dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
