Fine. I'll sleep in my office
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize