Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
