Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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