Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
