My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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