So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
