I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
