Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
