She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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