Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He better not be in your backpack
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
