Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
