She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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