hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
