and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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