haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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