I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
