I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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