I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
