R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
