tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
They have beer where we have blood.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
