he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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