come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
