break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
