I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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