When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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