Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
be right there i have to get my cape
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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