Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
