Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
