If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
