How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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