Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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