I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
