How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
