I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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