She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
