dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
