Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize