My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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