living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
