My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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