69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
