At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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