I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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