i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just blew my weed a kiss
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
