I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
