Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
