i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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