Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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