I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
please come you make the beer taste better
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
