i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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