Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
